i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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