i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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