Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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