dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
