Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
