My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
