my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
True strength comes from lack of pants
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