Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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