he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
