I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
