i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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