I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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