You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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