When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
