No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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