The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
