Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
