I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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