Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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