I could have mohawked her pubes.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
