ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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