ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
