lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
