Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
