The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
