Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
