Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have feelings that need drinking.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
