Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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