It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
