I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
