I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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