I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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