i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize