plz talk dirty to me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
