I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Green mimosas i think yes
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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