I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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