I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
