So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
