Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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