She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
