Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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