Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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