i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so let's talk penis.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
