Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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