I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
