We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
