I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
