so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The feeling are messing with the penis
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
