I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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