This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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