Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
