that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I cut my penus on the lid.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
