Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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