He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
