"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
