How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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