loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
