Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
