and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
