Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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