Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
