I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
