My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
