in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
