now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
