So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
