totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
