so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
