eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
