Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
