He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
