I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
