Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
