i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
