I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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