Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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