Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
sex in a hospital.. check
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
